Esoteric Moon

Thankful for the food

2010-02-03T03:54:00.001-08:00

I understand that from now on I must thank you in my mind for my food, no matter what it is that I am eating. I will try to remember, as I am sure it will take some practice. I also understand that as the bad food is consumed, healthy food must be brought into my home. My body is indeed my temple and I need to respect what goes in it at all times.

Per your instructions

2010-02-03T03:32:00.000-08:00

Per your instructions, I have filled the shopping bag full of the trash that was sitting on my desk and tied it and laid it on the chair next to me. Will you slowly help me get this place clean? Is that the starting of the gifts?

zinc

2010-02-03T03:26:00.000-08:00

You have impressed upon me to swallow the 50mg of zinc. In return I ask you not to allow it to upset my fragile stomach. I will follow your lead, I am your clay....mold me.

Sleep

2010-02-03T02:46:00.000-08:00

Why does sleep escape me or when I am allowed the gift of rest, why must it be all day? I have not seen the sun in five days and it is maddening. Health does not come in the darkness, but only in the light of day. It is winter now and the suns rays are so far away. I need its gentle light to burn my skin as the Vitamin D flows forth into my body. Light is a gift of health, not something to be shunned like we are now taught.

I long for the star to return, heating this part of the planet where I reside and to remove this chill from my sick bones.

I feel that I have guides around me, giving me clues to escape this maze of darkness I have settled into. The messages come from a quick glace at a book or newspaper or an over heard conversation as I pass by someone in the halls of the hospital. I have started listening, reveal more to me.

Will my suffering be legendary before you save me? Will your wisdom come into my mind and show me the absolute truth?

Vitamin C

2010-02-03T02:31:00.000-08:00

My dear, sweet universe, 2000mg of vitamin C down the hatch, it is my offering to you. It is the start of my journey and the mending of our long lost friendship. Why didn't I trust you and indeed trust me? The little voice in my head never stopped talking to me, I just decided not to listen.

I sit here now with this plague upon me, cold hands and numb face, almost like the worst hangover feeling ever. Why did those pills tear me to shreds? Why don't the doctors understand this?

The little love I have coming towards me often times is bleeding out a large vein before it even reaches my front door. Why has my body forsaken me?

As I sit here suffering I wonder what you are teaching me? Am I naive to think there is a lesson, or will you just dispose of me?

Everything is so clear now, the other humans just can't see it yet, maybe some can, I am not the only one who see's this surely?

Grant me the energy to save myself, grant me the wisdom that only you can provide.

So wore out

2010-02-03T02:12:00.000-08:00

I realize my life must change, if only I had the energy to change it. If only I could go back before all this started. I have forgotten what it is like to feel well, to be at peace. I have forgotten what even calm feels like.

I can feel myself dying and there is not a soul who believes it. The medical tests come back normal or almost normal as I slowly take test after test.

Why do I sit here on this computer all day long unable to help myself? Why must I suffer? It can not be ok for my heart to keep beating like this as I pass pale bowels and have no energy left in me to remove the trash.

My feet are so cold and sweating all the time. Now they want to check my blood sugar. Already failed the lung test.

Why have I been shown the gates of hell as I long for heaven. I know today, starting right now I must make a change, no more trying to find a religion to save me, but my own must be created..the magic starts with me.

It begins with 2000mg of vitamin C and I pray for the energy to get to the store to get raw foods, so I can start juicing...something has to give. The life force from the plants must start to fill my body and soul, repairing the damage that was done by the modern world.

I reach out to the universe for the strength to continue and the strength to get me through all these test and the wisdom for when to say no and walk away from them, the demons in white lab coats, they know not what they do and are blinded by confusion.

I ask for the wisdom to heal it myself, to make the world stop if only for a second to find the clarity I need to address my situation.

They will find what they find, but what will I do about it? I will walk, walk it all away if I have to.

Where is my strength? Somewhere deep inside this dying shell of a man, I imagine.